My wife and I have been committed to taking part in marriage counseling for six of the seven years that we have been married. Without any doubt, I can say we wouldn’t have the quality of relationship we have without that mutual, long term commitment to growth. My marriage has been rocky, like most marriages, but we have kept if off the rocks with diligent and regular professional help. 

My wife and I “counselor shopped” by interviewing four different marriage and family therapists that were referred to us through our circle of friends. So, not only were they recommended, we also scheduled a 15 minute interview with each one to see if we both felt like that person was a good fit. This process, by the way, is accommodated by the industry, but not advertized. You have to ask for it. 

I highly advise you take the time to find the right therapist and interview them. It’s your opportunity to ask them questions.  I ask very relevant questions like, “How long have you been married?” “What are your spiritual views?” “How do you keep on top of new cutting edge theory?” “How long have you been in practice?” “What parenting books do you like the most?” “What marriage books do you like the most?”  You will be paying this individual a lot of good money and you need to fully trust them.  Make sure they are worthy of both. 

We scheduled heavily in the beginning, once a week. That moved the conversation up a notch right off the bat. Once we addressed some issues and felt like we had reached some objectives, we backed off to once a month. We still continue to go once a month. If something big comes up we don’t hesitate to shove another session one in.  

There is just something about having a wise and professional moderator there for some of the heavier discussions. We can also leave something that is stuck and unwind it while we are there. It is a place where we can show mutual commitment to one another where all things remain safe to discuss. I can’t recommend marriage counseling enough.  

By going to marriage counseling, you are not admitting that your marriage is broken. You are admitting that  you are willing to do whatever it takes to have quality in your marriage. I think that even the best of marriages would benefit from counseling.  That’s just my opinion. If you don’t agree—all is good. I just think there are many marriages that might be saved or bettered if more felt the same way I do.