My wife and I have participated in marriage counseling throughout our entire marriage.  We are both “growers” and we think that in order to be the best for our kids, we need to be better ourselves individually and to each other.  An interesting subject came up in our most recent session that applies to Family First Entrepreneurs. 

When we are having intense feelings, about basically anything, one of three “people” will show up within us to deal with those feelings; a child, a parent or an adult. To break it down, lets use the feeling of betrayal.  Betrayal is a feeling that can show up and affect a business.  The child will kick, scream and throw a tantrum.  The parent will reassure and help to deescalate the feelings while suggesting good choices. The adult acknowledges the feelings, deals with them,  and moves forward with decisions based on what they know to be the truth.

The adult is the best person to have show up when emotions are charging.  However, far too often, the kid shows up, flies off the handle and makes poor choices based on feelings.  This is when we have to “self parent” and reign the kid in so that we can make adult decisions.  

I find that Family First Entrepreneurs often describe themselves as passionate people.  Passionate people experience intense feelings.  Learning to deal with those feelings has been a lifelong journey for me in business and in life.  Remember, feelings make bad business decisions.  Sound business decisions need to be made from what you know, not how you feel. 

The key to sound decisions when you’re experiencing heavy duty feelings is to give yourself a second before reacting.  Check in with yourself and see whether it’s the adult or child who is calling the shots.  If the kid shows up, call on the parent.  The parent will be kind, reassuring, and give options based on fact.  Then move forward as the adult.  If you struggle with this, like I do, you will find as you practice this skill more and more often, the adult will show up first instead of last.