When we speak of others in a negative or judgmental manner we are hurt in two ways. The first is that the people to whom we are speaking are put on the defensive. Their first thought is, “Wow, I wonder if he speaks about me that way.” This does not create an environment for friendship or for trust. Secondly, it shows a lack of character; if it happens too much people don’t like to be around it.

Bad-mouthing others used to be one of my major character flaws, and I still struggle with it occasionally. A great book and a chance acquaintance helped me with this issue. I read How to Win Friends and Influence People a long time back, and I’ve reread it many times since. It’s still one of the best books on the subject. I also heard a man address it this way a few years ago. He said, “Everyone wants a tall building; some build tall buildings, and others knock everyone else’s down.” It was a cool reminder.

Speak highly of others or don’t speak at all.