I was recently talking with a guy that I do sales training for and a great topic of discussion came up. This man owns a company with a very large sales force and he is constantly complaining about his employees’ lack of gratitude for him and what he has given them. With all the sacrifices he makes for them, he believes that they at least owe him that. In response to this, I told him that he needed to remember that a gift that is given with expectation of something in return is not a gift, it’s a trade.

Throughout my life, I have seen others struggle with this same issue. When I face this issue in my own life, I always decide first if what I am offering is a gift or a trade. If I decide that it’s a gift then I let it go and hope they enjoy it. Beyond that, what ever happens from there is up to them, but I have no expectation of anything in return. This frees me from the possibility of disappointment and a resulting dysfunctional response. I always figure it is a “pay it forward” deal and eventually it will come back to me, even if it’s not from them.

If it’s a trade then I let the other party know what I expect in return. It is inappropriate in life and in business to expect people to guess at what we want. To ask others to guess will set up a situation for disappointment and resentment, which will often undermine a relationship.

So in the future, if you’re putting your time and energy into someone else, make sure you know where you’re coming from and enjoy being peacefully helpful