My wife has been handing me sections of John Gottman’s Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child to read and I have found that I’m going to have to put it on my must-read list.

I read a section last night that really got me.  It was speaking about how infants and toddlers have a developmental need for paternal interaction.  In fact, according to the book, the need is so great that studies have shown that a father’s impact is actually greater on a small child’s emotional development than a mother’s.  Because fathers have a tendency to be more physical, loud, and jarring, they push their young ones into developmental areas that a mother’s calm, quiet, consistent ways do not. Through a man’s rougher style of play they learn early that outer perimeter emotions are okay and they gain experience dealing with them.

In my limited experience, I loved my first son Jaken’s early stages, but felt myself waiting for him to get older.  The “grub” stage didn’t seem to be as much fun or fulfilling as when he grew older and could play catch, sword fight or wrestle.  Reading this has caused me to be more mindful of my interactions with my soon-to-be-one year-old son, Tucker. It has also caused me to think about interacting more often.  I often take breaks from my home office to go upstairs to play with my four year-old Jaken, but Tucker usually just gets a kiss.

It was also neat to know what a critical factor rough, physical play is in my young son’s lives.  I previously thought that when my boys were little (under one year old), I was just a moon that orbited Planet Mom in their universe. It’s neat for me to find out my instinctive behavior led me in the right direction with Jaken.  I have always played hard with him and that has been a source of conflict between Sue and me…..until she handed me this section of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.

Play with your little ones, your girls too.  Dads, follow your instinct to hang them by a leg, or tickle them with your stubble.  Startle them, and chase them down with a mini-wrestling session as the coup de grace.  If your wife winces, remind her that you’re helping them to develop emotionally. If she doesn’t believe you, buy her the book.